Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
