I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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