Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
