I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
