thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize