i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
