I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
