bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
