So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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