you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
