i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize