his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
