I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
