if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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