don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
