so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
