possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
