and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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