and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize