24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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