just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize