Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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