1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
