fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
