i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
