i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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