According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
