Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
