Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You can't just leave with hair like that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
