ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
