I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize