Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
