You're so nebulous sometimes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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