where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All the doctor said was why
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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