my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As shirtless as possible
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
