i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
