I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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