JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
