erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
