Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
did i walk over a car last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
