This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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