i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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