they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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