It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
