the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
