There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize