Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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