peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
