the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
