the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
