you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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