Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
