I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
