bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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