i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
