Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
handjob tips. give me some.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
