Please don't use social media to get back at me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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