my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
