hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
