Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
