I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
