I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
