It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
