Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
