this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
