I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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