We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
