I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
