Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
