I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
