apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
