I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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